When I first started meditating, I regularly encountered disturbing images. I’d come upon a sinister character or imagine something bad was about to happen. I was puzzled, if not disturbed, by these thoughts. Wasn’t meditation supposed to be relaxing?
I now think of these images as the “trolls of anxiety”. I was scared of my inner depths because... What would I find there? My vast inner-scape was a secret place I had avoided for so long. I had replaced any need or curiosity to venture there with action, action, action. To take an honest look at the great inner abyss was threatening to say the least.
At some point, while in a meditative state, I engaged with these imaginal characters directly. When I realized that these were shadow aspects of my own personality- often the foot soldiers of anxiety, anger/rage and resentment- I found that giving them attention was more productive than continuing to ignore them. Relating to my inner images became a natural part of my life’s sustenance as my ego learned to take direction from the inside.
Meditation isn’t simply about relaxing or escaping the day. Often it demands that you face the inevitable quandaries of the life. For me, this realization was frightening but then— freeing.
Have you struggled to drop into a meditative state? How did you overcome the challenge?