This is 30.

 "You round a corner one day, and suddenly things make sense in a deeper way. What was fragmented connects. Meaning appears. Your heart opens."

I have a milestone birthday in April- the big 3-0.  What does turning 30 really mean, anyway? Human time is broken into manageable units that one could argue are completely arbitrary. Despite this, I do think reflection on the past decade of early adult life - the roaring 20s- has helped me realize who I want to be and not be in my 30s and beyond. I did some pretty cool, kick-ass stuff in my 20s.  I’m proud of those things, but hey, onto bigger and better.  I feel the spark of turning over the already-read pages of yesteryear, leaving behind certain elements of frivolity and insecurity and starting a fresh chapter. The death of the 20s leads to a rebirth through the call to adventure that is the 30s.  I’m sharing eight happy epiphanies that say ‘thanks babe’ to the past and then 'hello new you' to the future, heralding in the next stage of life.

1. PASS THE ALKA SETZER, PLEASE.

Your body changes. Ugh- I know, this platitude is so worn out in the realm of the maturing woman narrative. I had to get it out of the way quickly, so it’s the first “aha”. It's not just having trouble buttoning your jeans- it’s other unexpected experiences like how the food you love no longer cooperates with your digestive system. Prilosec has become a life preserver. It’s crazy - I’ve seriously had to change my diet. Also, want to have a casual glass of wine on a week day? You’re looking at a hangover. Sorry babe, I know you used to go to frat parties that featured spandex cycling gear and boxed wine (aptly titled Tour D’Franzia), but nope.

2. AWKWARD FAMILY PHOTO-FEED.

The Instagram feed that once was flooded with selfies and coupling has become a family affair. Friends and acquaintances are now all about their kids, and guess what, they want you to be, too. Check out Bobby chasing a butterfly, eating a smash cake, at Disney World, watching TV, mumbling uncertainties, and so much more. For the friends I’m close to, though, I feel more drawn to their kids than ever. I understand there is a strong maternal force inside of me whether I have my own offspring or not.

3.  MILLENNIAL GRANDMA.

When you talk to high schoolers and college students, you will realize you aren’t “on their level” anymore. They have a unique lexicon, pop culture references and musical tastes. They will cavalierly say to you, “My generation likes to...” and the implication is clear. Your jaw drops and you realize, they must think I’m too old to be in their generation! Because guess what, you are.

4. I WAS GOING TO CANCEL ANYWAYS.

You will see memes about doing nothing on the weekend and hoping people cancel their plans with you and think that they’re hysterical and the deepest known wisdom of humanity. 

5. CUE THE BUBBLE BATH AND BABY ANIMAL VIDEOS.

Yep- you earned it and no- you don't have to apologize to anyone for it. Self care baby!! This looks different for everyone, but the yoga writer Leslie St. John might have said it best, “I find self-care to be more dynamic, changing according to seasons and jobs and family and art, etc. At its root, self-care means caring for the self, which implies valuing the self. So many of us don’t do that. Self-care is any thought, feeling or action that is self-affirming, self-valuing. Some days a warm bath, other days chocolate. Some days learning how to say “no” to an opportunity, and “yes” to quietude.  Some days shaking it off, other days standing up for yourself. Self-care is the daily practice of loving yourself.”

6. YOU ARE YOU.

No one is you and that is your power. I love how often I see this phrase in motivational typography lately. I can relate to this truth more than ever before. Maybe it’s because you take stock and realize lots of the insecurities of your 20s were ill placed. Maybe it’s because the reality of mortality becomes more evident as you age. I don't know- but I am fond of this new feeling.

7. JUST DO IT.

That said - triggers never completely disappear. You will continue to compare yourself to others, but now it will include people who have accomplished x sooner than you. You may wonder if you've fully embraced your potential. Hopefully, these realizations will compel you to take action. So you don’t have or haven’t already done “that thing” - whatever it is for you. Are you going to idly wait 30 more years for it to happen? Grab the oars and get to rowing! Get there. 

8. BEND AND NOT BREAK.

You are super resilient! You know this because by now you have endured the start and end of romances, friendships, jobs, opportunities. Some have been by choice but others weren’t. You have lost and grieved and know that you will again and again. When you pick yourself back up, you will find a new layer of strength. One of my goals is with all the learning that comes with aging to still somehow avoid callousness. Fragility and vulnerability are born from the same place, and embracing them opens you up to experiencing lifelong wonderment and awe of the mysteries of life. Be tough, but not too tough. Be the Goldie Locks of tough.

What has happened to us molds us as certainly as what has not. For once, I think I can really respect what the word “wisdom” means, even if my grasp of it is a mere wisp. My hope is that the a-ha moments will inform a more satisfied future, one where I’m living in truer alignment to who I’m meant to be and I hope you can say the same for yourself, too.

The Grocery Store Challenge - Kroger

I was kind of dreading going to Kroger for the continuation of the Grocery Store Challenge. I just (unfairly) assumed that it would be the most subpar experience of the all the supermarkets. I was quite wrong. 

Although they do only receive shipments on Mondays and Wednesdays, (as compared to daily at most of the other grocery stores), they had a sizable selection. Possibly the largest. They definitely had more than Publix - you can read about that experience below. 

Breakdown:

• Hydrangea bunch (3 stems): $7

• Spray rose bunch (8 stems): $8

• Purple gypsophila  (8 stems): $4

• “Bountiful bouquet” including hydrangeas, white roses, lilies: $12 originally $25

• Callalilies (5 stems): $8

Budget: $30

Actually spent: $39 

I did deviate a bit from what I’ve been doing in that I bought individual bunches plus a discount bouquet. As such, I went over my intended budget, but it was worth it to me to experiment. The flowers in the discount bouquet seemed like they were on their last legs, but I was hoping to breath some life back into them, even if only for a short time. The calla lilies were a bit of an indulgence as well, but they were sooo pretty with deep vermillion centers. 

Pros:

• Lots of flower options with varying price points

• A ‘sale’ section - I bought a bouquet that was originally $25 for $12. I wanted to see how the flowers would maintain

• All of their flowers had a “sale by” date on the packaging. This was nice. It helped guide some of my decisions about which ones to buy

• Most were specifically marked. None of this “focal flower” crap

Cons:

• No greenery for sell. You could buy a pre-made bouquet that had a few little sprigs of greenery. For example, the discounted “bountiful bouquet” included a few palm fronds. No individual bunches though.

• You could tell many of the flowers were rapidly aging. I'm not just talking about the sale flowers, either. It wasn’t the super fresh quality you see at Trader Joe’s

• So this was weird... I found one bunch of hydrangeas that included 3 stems for $7 and then another “bunch” that was only a single stem for the same price! What gives? Sloppy labeling? I may never know.

Overall, it was slightly above average (lol! I’m a tough grader). I would go back for flowers to have around the house or if I’m hosting a small party. That said, it still doesn’t really compete for large events. Also, my flowers, especially the discounted ones, began to brown within 2-3 days. The discount “came at a price” so to speak. Decent value overall - I would say this grocery store has landed in the scandalously shocking position of second place so far.

Having investigated Trader Joe's, Publix and Kroger now, the jury is still out whether more reviews are warranted. I'll share a more definitive conclusion once I've decided. 

More thoughts on Trader Joe’s

I wrote about Trader Joe’s in the “Grocery Store Challenge” a few weeks ago. While I was there at 5 pm on a Friday, I glanced at a salesperson sorting through the flowers and making piles of them for what I assumed was a special order. I had an arm full of flowers, but noticed the rose selection was fairly sparse. So I inquired with her about any additional stock- perhaps in the back? No, she said. But if I were to come back on Saturday morning at 8 am, that’s when they put out their largest shipment of fresh flowers. That’s also when florists and event designers come in to pick up their loot, so stuff gets picked over pretty quickly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, smiled and thanked her. I thought of how nice my bed would feel on Saturday morning around 8 am. Nah, I thought. Maybe one day soon.

Well, wouldn’t you know I woke up at 7:30 am on Saturday, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? I even rolled over a few times, thinking I might fall back asleep. I couldn’t help but remember her words, which started to replay in my mind. I sprang up, got in the car and arrived around 7:55 am.

I noticed other cars idling in the parking lot when I pulled in. At 7:58 am, a queue started to form in front of the main entrance. By the time they opened the doors, about ten people were eagerly waiting to be ushered in. I regretted the skepticism I had felt the night before.

Not all of them went straight to the flowers, but most of them did. My first stop was the roses since I had had such tough luck the night before. I was not disappointed with the blush, orange and yellow beauties I picked up.

I ended up making four different arrangements with varying personalities.

 Could Trader Joe’s be the best flower selection for working gals like me?

With fresh flowers stocked daily at affordable prices and convenient locations, I certainly wonder. They have put on a good show so far. I’ll let you know what I think after the Grocery Store Challenge concludes.

The Grocery Store Challenge - Part II - Publix

I wasn't sure if I would consistently follow one-week intervals or space out the 'challenge' depending on my availability. This weekend worked out where I found myself close to the Publix across town. In an effort to play around with mixed media, I also created a few brief videos to accompany this post. The video below introduces the Publix flower finds.

My first impression was not great. There were decidedly fewer flower options than Trader Joe's- perhaps a third of what was offered there. I called ahead and was told that they receive fresh product daily. I'm suspicious of this and will tell you more about it when I talk about the hydrangeas. 

Budget: $30

Actually spent: $21.99

Maybe I should rethink my budget and set it to $25 and under? I could have picked up another bunch or two and still come in under budget. This did not seem worth it given the slim selection. 

Breakdown 

3 for $12 bundle including:

2 Hydrangea stems $4

6 focal flowers $4

12 mini carnations $4

Mixed bouquet featuring one rose, 4 alstroemeria or ‘lily of the incas’, 2 lillies, and some greenery $9.99

Judgement criteria 

Rankings: Bad // So-So // Good // Wow

Cost- Good

Quality- So-So

Combined Value- So-So

Selection- Not quite "bad" but "so-so" would be generous

Freak Factor- Bad

Pros

• If  you had to get a pre-made bouquet, these weren't awful. This is a lukewarm pro at best - ha.

• I'm trying really hard to come up with other pros. Luckily the hydrangeas plumped right back up after I thought they were dying only hours after bringing them home. I'm not sure how much of that is a reflection of freshness, or not. 

• Compared to Kroger, Publix flowers seem to have better value. A similarly sized pre-made bouquet was $14.99 at Kroger. I haven't completed a Grocery Store Challenge on Kroger, so, more to come on that. My observation is merely anecdotal. 

Cons

• The hydrangeas began to WILT that very same day. They bounced back ... so this isn't a total con.

• No greenery.

• Limited selection.

Verdict

I'm pretty middle of the road here. These two arrangements have a sweetness about them- I show them to you in the video below. If given no other option, I wouldn't be complaining. More than likely though, there WILL be other options, and I would avoid doing this again. P.S. The flower I’m not sure about in this video is alstroemeria… and I said it right! Boo ya!

The Grocery Store Challenge - Part I - Trader Joes

This idea came to me as I pondered why most people are seemingly indifferent to flowers in 2019. I believe there is an unmistable dichotomy between the sad, aging carnations that you might find at say - a gas station - and the high pricetag arrangements found in a florist’s shop. The easiest, most reasonable in between option would be grocery store flowers - that is if their quality outpaces the gas station flowers, without costing what a florist charges.

So here is my plan. I’m going to buy flowers from four chain grocery stores in my area - Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, Publix and Kroger - over the next few weeks. I will examine my findings based on the same criteria and the same $30 budget. Then I will create an example of what kind of arrangement can be done utilizing the same flowers. That may give you some ideas of what’s possible if you’re in a situation where one of these places is the only flower resource available to you.

Let’s do this!

First stop - Trader Joe’s

Frequency of restocking florals - daily and on Saturdays twice/day

Budget: $30

Actually spent: $24.98

Breakdown

Seasonal filler - 3 stems of green carnations (4 but realized one was broken once I got home) $2.99

Seasonal bouquet - 9 stems - variety of white and pink daisies and astromeria $5.99

Petite bouquet - 6 stems - 4 callalilies and 2 spray roses $3.99

Seeded Eucalyptus 4 stems $2.99

Silver Dollar Eucalyptus - 4 stems $2.99

Wax flower bunch - 4 stems $3.99

Because I was under budget, I probably could have gone back and bought some more greens, but I just kept moving instead.

Judgement criteria

Rankings: Bad // So-So // Good // Wow!

Cost- Wow!

Quality- Somewhere between Good // Wow!

Combined Value- Wow!

Selection- Somewhere between So-So // Good

Freak Factor- Good

Pros

• OMG - the value. Seems like this is going to be hard to top. This was cheaper than the ’wholesale’ price I’ve paid at specialty flower markets. For example, a dozen spray roses cost $14.95 compared to the $4.99 you can pay (side note: I went back and purchased a dozen spray roses later - they weren’t available by the time I made this purchase).

• They selection was pretty good. The factor that they offered greenery and individual flowers seems worth noting.

• A couple of the pre-made bouquets had some beautiful focal flowers ... but I have no idea what they are.

Cons

• The stems are short on some of the pre-made bouquets.

• I don’t like that the available selection was primarily pre-made bouquets - a lot of the flower combinations were not to my taste. I found myself gravitating towards one or two flowers in their bouquets and not liking the rest. I couldn’t find a bouquet where I loved every choice. However, they did have a few individual bundles.

• I was told the best time to come in is 8 am when the store first opens - they were out of roses by 5 pm, which is when I was there.

• The variety was good, but not massive amounts of each thing - for example, there were 2-4 bundles of pink spray roses total. Once those were sold, there was no additional restock for the day. It would be difficult to do a large event using only these flowers if you have a color scheme you’re trying to stick to.

• Some things were labeled generically - “assorted greens”, “linear focal flowers”- so as a beginner who doesn’t have a broad knowledge base of flower types yet, this was a disadvantage. I’m sure there is a pragmatic reason why they don’t go through the trouble of labeling each of them.

Verdict

I’m a mega fan. It may not be flower utopia, but it’s perfect for the every day flowers, special occasion flowers, and even a small-to-medium sized event depending on the volume needed and how flexible you are with colors and selection.

Getting started

The process of planning a wedding has been unexpectedly satisfying creatively and has provided a unique avenue to tell my and my fiancé’s story. When I started to think through a how-to-plan-a-wedding blog, I thought one of two things could happen 1) it could be something that helps other people who are on similar journeys OR 2) if only for myself alone,  it could be something pleasant I look back on in the future since the whole wedding experience is so fleeting. Both possibilities seemed like a win either way. 

My first area of focus will be on floral design. So you think you might want to DIY your wedding flowers?Many will discourage you. Heck, I may even regret it when it comes down to it. But I’m doing everything I can to prepare myself and if you’re reading this, then perhaps you are too. I’m confident that it will be worth it in the end. Apart from the savings- the creative satisfaction is overwhelming! Yes, flowers are temporary. But there’s something kind of beautiful about that. I imagine it’s similar to what urban street artists/muralists feel when they spray paint a design on a concrete wall. They know there is something very ephemeral about what they are making- it won’t withstand the test of time- but in the moment that it exists, it’s a unique expression that will touch many. Even as it gets covered by tags, weathered by rain, etc. - it was never meant to be permanent. 

Ok! Thank you for letting me wax philosophical for a moment.

Let’s talk supplies. I learned a lot of this by trial and error. If you can pick up all of these things before you ever begin to design a floral masterpiece, you’ll be glad.

• Flower scissors - sure, you can use that rusty pair of scissors in your junk drawer, but will they cut through a woody stem? Will they fray a delicate one? You can find a decent pair in the $10 range and it’s well worth the investment.

• Floral tape - this stuff is weird but oh-so-neat once you figure it out! It’s not like traditional tape where one side is sticky and the other side is matte. It is waxy and has to be ‘activated’ through movement. The first time I used it, I thought I had a dud roll because I didn't realize I needed to activate it. When you pull off a piece, you stretch it a little (so as not to break it) and work it through your fingers until it feels tacky.

• Floral foam // Oasis - this is stuff you stick in a vase to hold the flowers in place. It’s a little controversial - apparently it doesn’t biodegrade and there are claims that it can be toxic. Handle with care. 

• Chicken wire - this is an alternative to floral foam. Basically, you ball up the chicken wire to fit into the vessel then you feed stems all the way through, passing through at least two sets of holes, to hold the flowers in place.

• Ribbon - more important for bouquets and floral crowns, this is a visually appealing mechanism to fasten floral elements to together. 

• Vessels (i.e. vase, compote or if you’re feely sassy, recycle a glass bottle) - I know, duh. But you do need it for an arrangement.

• Product - basically, a fancy pants term for flowers. You will hear industry folks refer to it this way. 

• Inspo - valley girl speak for inspiration - more on that later

These items can easily be purchased from Amazon or a local retailer. I urge you to do your homework in order to find the items with the best value.